


The Past Always Comes Back

by OurUnsungHeroes42344



Series: In your arms [3]
Category: Castle
Genre: Gen, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6799318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurUnsungHeroes42344/pseuds/OurUnsungHeroes42344
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weeks Kevin and Javier have off before returning to the 12th. Deals with the aftermath of In Your Arms, a few weeks after Day in The Life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past Always Comes Back

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy part 3. This is in no way done, series wise. Let me know you're there. Dislikes? Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Again big thanks to Rysposito, whom without this entire series would not exist. I know it may seem like it, but I don't hate Kevin, I love him I really do.

It started with a phone call. 

Javier had made a quick trip to Kevin's house for more of Kevin's things and to the grocery store. He grins down momentarily at the engagement ring on his finger, it was a simple claddagh ring but, to him it was worth so much more. Kevin had given it to him a week ago, a week after their engagement. It had been passed down through Kevin's family for generations. They'd decided to keep their engagement secret until they were ready to get married, which, they both knew, wouldn't be for a while. For now the rings symbolized a promise and a reminder, that was all, and for now Javier couldn’t be happier. He was just loading the last of the bags into his car when his phone rang. 

Glancing down at the caller ID he grins before answering. “Miss me already?”

“They're after me, Javi! Someone's outside trying to get in,” cries Kevin into the phone, his voice high with panic.

Javier's heart stops. “Kevin, listen to me,” he forces himself to remain calm. “Where are you right now?”

Kevin sniffles and Javier hears shuffling on the other end. “Hiding on the other side of the couch.”

“I'm about five minutes out, okay. I'm on my way, lock yourself in the bathroom, turn the light off and stay quiet. Okay, I'm going to hang up now so I can get to you,” as he says this, he climbs into his car. 

More shuffling on the other line along with Kevin's heavy breathing. “Please hurry Javi-.” the call gets cut off and Javier takes a few deep calming breaths as he starts the car, reminding himself the signal was rather terrible in his apartment.

A bit faster than he should've, Javier is pulling into a vacant spot a block away from his apartment complex not wanting to waste time searching for a spot closer. Javier runs to his building, whizzing by the startled doorman he shoves the door to the stairs open, taking them two at a time. He stops outside the door to the third floor, pulling his gun he quietly opens the door and scans the hallway finding it empty. Quickly and quietly he continues down the hall to the corner and pokes his head around. That's when the confusion sinks in, there's only one other person in the hall, that person is standing with his back to Javier outside his door looking confused and rather irritated. 

Javier holsters his gun and walks purposely towards his door and the guy waiting for him. “May I help you?” he asks coolly.

The man starts and turns to face him. “Mr- sorry, I mean Detective Esposito?”

“Yes, that's me. Is there a reason you're standing outside my apartment?” he asks suspiciously, hand inching back towards his gun. 

“Didn't you order a pizza?” 

Javier mentally smacks himself. He'd completely forgotten about the pizza he'd ordered about an hour ago. “Yes, sorry, I was at the store, lost track of time. How long have you been here?”

The pizza guy shrugs and picks up his bag from where it had been sitting against the wall. “Little over 10 minutes I guess, it's not a problem. Not that it's any of my business, but do you have company over?”

“Why?”

“I was actually about to go talk to your doorman when you showed up. When I first got here I heard someone inside your apartment and then a few crashes. I thought somebody ought to know sooner rather than later,” the pizza guy explains sheepishly.

 _Kevin._ Javier remembers, thinking of the reason he'd been in a rush. He pulls out his wallet and pays for the pizza. “Thanks, keep the change,” he takes the pizza box and waits until the pizza guy rounds the corner before throwing open the door to his apartment.

“Kevin! I'm home! Where are you? I brought p-,” the rest of his greeting dies in his throat as he takes in the sight before him. 

The kitchen table is on its side, the top facing him and the chairs are pushed against the door. Javier picks his way through the trashed space to the kitchen. He places the box on the counter and scans the space, his eyes land on the knife block. One knife is missing. The drawers are all yanked open as well as half the cupboard doors. 

Pulling his gun, he makes his way back to the living area with anxiety pulsing through his veins. He climbs over the couch, which has been pushed in the way of hall leading to the bed and bathrooms. He pushes open the guest room door, but the inside is empty. 

He grabs the doorknob on the master bedroom and turns it slowly. He pushes open the door and pokes his gun in, first to the left towards the bathroom door, then to the right and the closet. All clear. The bathroom door is shut and when he twists the handle he finds it locked. “Kevin? Kevin, it's me, let me in,” as he says this he raps a fist on the door softly.

He hears scuffling noises and labored breathing. “G-go away! I d-don't believe you!”

Javier's heart nearly breaks in two. Kevin sounds so scared and his yell was shaky and panicky. “Kevin, it's Javi. Please let me in. I'm here now,” he says softly.

There's no response this time but Javier swears he hears a tiny squeak of alarm. Deciding it's no use and even more concerned than ever, Javier retrieves the bathroom key from his nightstand.

He puts the key in and unlocks the door as quietly as he can. “Kevin, there's no need to be afraid. I'm coming in now.”

He opens the door, bracing himself for what's about to happen next. The light is off so he flicks it on and scans the space. What the-?

Kevin is nowhere to be seen. “Kevin? Where are you?”

Before he knows what's happening, someone explodes from the shower and tackles him to the ground. His head hits the tile and the air whooshes out of him. He catches the glint of a knife and he reacts just in time to catch Kevin's wrist as he plunges the knife downwards. Javier pries the knife from Kevin's grasp and tosses it behind him. Kevin scrambles off him towards it but Javier is faster, he leaps on Kevin and rolls him onto his back. 

Kevin thrashes desperately beneath him. “NO! No! Let me go! Please not again! Please! No!”

Javier, hating himself, uses his knees to spread Kevin's legs and pins them with his own. Tears threaten to fall from Javier’s eyes. He hates doing this, seeing Kevin like this. He gets out his cuffs and pulls Kevin's arms above his head, closing the cuffs around his wrists as well as a leg of the bed. Beneath him, Kevin provides significant resistance, thrashing wildly with his eyes squeezed shut he continues to shout. 

Javier sits there on Kevin's chest, pinning him while Kevin’s thrashing continues to weaken. Once Kevin has tired himself out the yelling stops, but the tears, which had started at the beginning, don't. Kevin lays limp beneath him, eyes closed, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, weak sobs shake his entire body. “Please d-don't. P-please, I beg you. N-no more. Just make it stop. I d-don't want this. Sh-shadow p-please, d-don't.” Kevin cries, his voice a horse, shaky whisper.

Javier strokes Kevin's face, gently, his heart breaking. Kevin flinches at the touch and he gulps. “Mí corazón, I'm so sorry. It's me babe. Open your eyes for me, Kev,” he whispers around the lump in his throat.

Kevin's too blue, bloodshot eyes slowly open and flood with recognition. “Javi?!” he cries in relief.

“It's me Kevin. It's me. I've got you. You're okay.” Javier slides to the side, off Kevin's body and uncuffs him before pulling him into his arms.

Kevin slumps over his shoulder, tears streaming down his cheeks onto Javier's shirt. “Oh, Javi! It's really you. I was so scared.”

Javier squeezes Kevin a little and rubs comforting circles on his back. “I know, Kev, I know. I've got you now. You're okay.”

Javier let's Kevin cry before he helps him to his feet. Together they make their way over the couch, back to the kitchen. Javier stands the table up and moves the chairs back. Kevin clings to him the entire time. They have pizza, Kevin's hand never leaving Javier's before they put the couch back and head to the bedroom. Javier helps Kevin out of the jeans and the sweater he'd tossed on before he does the same with his clothes. They climb into bed in their underclothes and Kevin snuggles back into Javier's chest, pulling his arm tight around his chest.

Kevin falls asleep almost immediately, having worn himself out. Javier however can't seem to find sleep, his mind keeps running over all the little pieces he'd noticed since that day he'd found Kevin bleeding out in his own bed. The dreams, Kevin's initial unwillingness for any type of bodily contact, the way he'd often twist and turn for hours before falling into an uneasy sleep, the way he'd jump at every little movement or sound, his dislike and panic of being alone or relaxed. Javier knew all those symptoms very well, he'd seen army buddies experience them, he himself had. He'd been unable to admit it to himself until now, now it was undeniable: Kevin has PTSD and he has it bad.

About a month later, the door of the 12th Precinct’s elevator opens with a ding. It had been a hard month for them both, emotionally, physically and mentally. Javier had worked tirelessly to get Kevin back to some semblance of himself, at the very least someone who could return to their line of work. He'd opened up about himself and his own experiences with PTSD and the ways he coped. Kevin had come a long way, but he still refused to give anything about the hell he went through. Javier was certain Kevin would be able to function normally at work with most circumstances and cases. 

Javier takes Kevin by the hand and leads him into the main bullpen. They're met by a dozen or so of their clapping coworkers as well as a few Welcome Back’s. The clapping dies down as the precinct returns to work. 

Javier leads Kevin to their desks as Captain Montgomery emerges from his office with a hearty clap of his own. “Good to see you back, Detective Ryan. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and I promise you will get justice.”

Ryan accepts the hand Montgomery offers him next while Javier retrieves Kevin's badge and gun from his desk drawer. Montgomery takes Esposito's arm and draws him towards his office. “I believe we now have a case to solve, Beckett needs your statements. The longer we wait now…” He doesn't need to finish, Esposito nods in understanding.

“I agree. The sooner the better, Cap.” Montgomery gives him a serious look before stepping back into his office. Esposito returns to Ryan's side just as Castle and Beckett hurtle across the bullpen towards them.

Castle reaches them first, wrapping them both in a bear hug and spinning around. “You have no idea how great it is to see you guys back here!”

Laughing, Esposito and a grinning Ryan squirm away from Castle straight into Beckett's waiting arms. “Welcome home, I've missed you both so much.”

They separate and Ryan grins at Castle and Beckett with tears in his eyes. “Thank you so much. I'm glad to be back.”

Esposito and Beckett exchange looks and have a silent conversation, the joy slowly fades as Esposito moves to Ryan's side. “It's time, bro.”  


Beckett leads the silent procession of four to the privacy of one of the interrogation rooms. LT is waiting for them; he opens the door and shakes Ryan's hand firmly before promising to keep everyone clear of the observation room.

Beckett and Castle sit on one side while Esposito and Ryan sit on the opposite. Beckett unplugs the mic saying as she does so, “Kevin, you're not a criminal. Far from it, you're not being interrogated. We're in here for privacy and privacy alone. It pains us all to have to do this, to put you through this again, but we have to. If you're okay, we can begin.”

Ryan takes a steadying breath and squeezes Espo's hand under the table. “I understand, let's just get this over with.”

Beckett opens a notepad and places her pen to the top line. “You want to start from after you left here on Thursday? Everything you can remember, even things that seem unimportant, you know how this works.”

“I left here and drove straight home. Traffic, I remember was a bitch, come to think of it, so was parking. I had to park about a quarter mile down the road and walk. I took a back alley I normally take as a shortcut. It started raining, pretty hard. There's a little bar I go by the back of; that's when I saw them.” Ryan pauses as a memory flashes in front of his eyes. 

_He's sloshing in the pouring rain through the back alleys of New York City. Although he didn't at the time, he focuses on the couple making out in the doorway. Little did he know what they'd do to him._

Esposito squeezes his hand and Ryan shakes himself before continuing. “They were making out in the doorway, I barely noticed them. I was focused in my head, not out I guess. No more than a few minutes later I realized they'd been following me when the guy pinned my arms behind me. The girl kneed me, winded me. Next thing I know I'm flat on my stomach with my arms bound behind me by my own cuffs. They must've drugged me, I remember a pinch in my neck and then it all went black.”

Ryan pauses until Beckett stops writing. “Did you see their faces? Tattoos? Piercings? Jewelry?”

Ryan shakes his head. “No, I'm sorry. I should've-.”

Castle reaches across the table and places his hand over the one Ryan has set there. “Stop. There's no way you could've been prepared for that. Nobody could've, don't blame yourself, you have nothing to apologize for.”

Castle retracts his hand, giving Ryan an encouraging smile before Beckett continues. “Okay, we'll come back to them later. What's the next thing you remember?”

Ryan thinks for a moment, flashing back in his head. 

_He wakes to a situation any cop fears. He's gagged and blindfolded. Suspended by his neck. His wrists are bound behind him and his ankles and legs are chained to the ground._

“I woke up bound. I was gagged and blindfolded. I'm pretty sure I was still full of drugs because everything I can remember has this sort of shiny haze to it.”

Beckett nods. “You're doing fine, Ryan, just tell me what you remember. How were you bound?”

Ryan continues, collecting his thoughts, he starts at the bottom. “My ankles were chained to the ground in front of me, my legs were also bound, just above my knees. My arms were behind my back, bound by, what I'm guessing were, my own cuffs. I could barely touch my feet flat to the ground. I was mostly suspended by something wrapped around my neck, I'm not quite sure what though.” Ryan loosens his tie and unbuttons the first few buttons of his dress shirt, revealing fresh scars that crisscross around his neck. 

Besides him Espo stiffens with a brief surge of anger. Beckett consults her notes. “Barbed wire?” she poses it as a suggestion. 

Partial clarity washes over Ryan's features as he buttons his shirt back up. “That sounds right. Explains a lot come to think of it.”

“Are you okay to continue?” Esposito asks worriedly.

Ryan gives him a small smile. “It has to be done. I wasn't sure how long I hung there but eventually I heard two voices, one female, the other male. The woman undid my gag and blindfold before they introduced themselves.”

_“I'm Star by the way. He's Shadow.”_

Beckett stops him. “If you can, I need to know everything that was said.”

Ryan nods, collects his thoughts and continues. “They told me screaming was tedious and figured I'd already seen there faces so they removed the gag and blindfold as I said. The woman called herself Star, the man Shadow.”

Again Esposito stiffens, remembering Kevin begging “Shadow” to stop in most his nightmares and panic attacks.

“Do you remember seeing them? What they looked like? Hair color? Body type? Eye color?” Beckett presses.

Ryan's forehead crinkles with concentration. “No!” He exclaims in frustration. “They're always shiny, I can't remember anything,” he droops in defeat with a disappointed sigh. “I'm sorry,” he whispers.

“It's okay, Ryan. You were pumped full of God knows what. Just the fact that you can remember what you have is a miracle in itself. Just move on.”

Ryan straightens before continuing. “They said that we'd been very naughty, all four of us…” he trails off before shouting. “Hal Lockwood!”

This gets the immediate attention of everyone in the room. “Lockwood is involved with this too?!”

Ryan nods, excitedly. “They said they knew him. They were in that damn basement with us a few months ago, at least one of them was. They wanted to know exactly what Lockwood did. How much we know about him and the asshole behind all this!”

“I'll be sure to bring that up next time I visit him,” growls Beckett, underlining the name thrice.

“When I realized they were in that basement they tossed me a taunt about Esposito. I, uh, well, I let my emotions get the better of me and they used that against me. They made it seem like you guys didn't care about me. They had a video recording of Captain Montgomery giving Espo my gun and badge after I'd left. They tried to convince me nobody cared about me and I… I started to believe them,” he admits in a whisper.

Everyone’s heart strings pull painfully and Esposito squeezes Ryan's hand extra hard. “Don’t even think that for a second!”

Ryan nods honestly. “Don't worry, I know now more than ever. They asked me what we knew and I gave them a smartass retort. That's when the hook or beam the barbed wire was attached to began to rise until my feet weren't touching the ground except my toes. I told them to go to hell and they raised it until the chain around my ankles wouldn't let them go any higher. Then they just let me hang there, waiting for an answer until I passed out. That was Thursday night, probably early Friday morning.”

They sit in silent horror for a moment. While they finished up paperwork and headed home all that had already happened.Castle excuses himself to get them coffee so Ryan could have a moment before continuing. Esposito excuses himself as well, claiming he needed to use the restroom and he'd be back in ten tops. Beckett adds to her notes and Ryan sits there awkwardly.

“Beckett,” Beckett's head lifts but she can't meet Ryan's eyes. “Don't blame yourself for this. Don't even begin to tell me you're not, I can tell. It doesn't matter why, all that matters is it did happen and there’s a possible connection to Lockwood. The day I blame you is the only time I'll allow you to blame yourself, maybe not even then.”

LT opens the door to let Castle, who is occupied somehow by four mugs of coffee, into the room. Castle places each mug in front of the correct chair before exiting again. Castle returns a few minutes later with a coffee for LT. Esposito comes in right behind him, closing the door.

Esposito sits besides Ryan and wipes his forehead before he sips his coffee. They sit in silence for a few, enjoying their coffees before Beckett flips to a new page in her notes. “Shall we pick this up where we left off?”

_He feels wood underneath his legs and a pinch in his arm from the IV. His mind analyzes the position he's in. That's when Star makes her entrance, she sends a chill over his body._

Ryan shakes himself out of his memories. Ready to begin. “When I woke next I was in my dress shirt and boxers. I was bound on my back on a wooden tabletop, but it was vertical. I remember an IV pumping me full of drugs and Star was the only one there, she had a black robe on. My legs were spread apart, as were my arms before being bound and there was a rope or something around my neck, tethered underneath so I couldn't lift my head very much. Star, she, uh…” he trails off uncomfortably.

Esposito takes Ryan's hand beneath the table and gives it a light squeeze. Ryan takes a sip of his coffee before he continues. “Star ripped my shirt off and cut through the elastic waistband on my boxers before she lifted the board I was on and laid it horizontally on a set of legs or something. She, uh, played a bit after she climbed on top of me,” he shudders, remembering her fingers running over his legs and chest. “She took the robe off next, the last thing I remember is the sound of my boxers ripping.”

Silence. Just like that Ryan has stunned them with his words again. Besides him, Espo's grip becomes painful as he stiffens, body coiled with rage.

“I woke up naked in a cage next. I don't remember much, I puked I think, maybe had a sip of really nasty water. I was mostly unconscious for probably the next few hours, I'm guessing that was most of Saturday.”

Beckett stops writing to take a sip of her coffee and the room falls into an uneasy silence. 

Ryan squirms, feeling the eyes of his partners on him. “Umm, can I continue? I'd like to get this over with sooner rather than later.”

Ryan takes the silence as a response. “I woke bound and suspended by my wrists and neck as well as my ankles, similarly to before. My legs and ankles were bound the same. I wasn't wearing anything but a new pair of really crappy quality boxers.”

_‘Next time you wake up, it'll be you and me going at it.’_ He shudders, remembering Shadow's voice. 

“Star branded me next, my right side, then, they, uh, doused me in ice water…” he trails off, squeezing his eyes shut as well as Esposito's hand. He remains that way for a minute or so fighting off memories of drowning in freezing water, his lungs burning as well as his skin. 

Esposito guides his hand to wrap around his warm coffee cup before guiding it to his mouth. Ryan swallows a mouthful of the liquid feeling it travel through his body, warming him. 

He sets the mug down and opens his eyes to see the others looking at him with sympathy and concern evident on their faces. 

Esposito gives his hand another squeeze as he draws a breath to continue. “The whipping started next, my restraints were loose enough that my body swung with each hit. I don’t know how long it went on, but when I was close to blacking out they lowered me to the ground and dragged me back to the cage.”

_‘That Detective Esposito of yours ever do this to you? Have you ever wanted him to? Wanted him so bad it hurts?’_

Ryan takes another sip, drawing a shaky breath as he remembers what hell came next. “I was back on the vertical table from before, there was an I.V, I think. I was on my stomach this time, but I was bound the same way, my head to one side. I was in another pair of boxers, that was it.” Ryan reaches blindly to find Esposito’s hand, he holds it tightly.

_His body is hoisted up and hung by his cuffed wrists above him, Shadow comes up behind him and Ryan shudders at the touch._

The sound of Castle shifting in his chair draws him back to the present and he continues. “Shadow toyed with me a little before he did the same as Star, putting the board horizontal. He climbed on top of my legs and put his body on my back, trying to make me scream, I guess, but I refused. He got frustrated and carved his name into my leg with a knife. I still didn't scream so he cut away the boxers and leaned in really hard. Gave me one last chance to give him what he wanted, to scream, beg, react really, but I just told him to go to hell.”

_Shadow has had enough. He finishes the deed, taking the final intrusive step inside Ryan's body faster than his mind can even process. Ryan gasps, his eyes widening in pain before everything slips away._

Ryan takes another sip of coffee as well as a few deep breaths before he continues. “I guess he got tired of waiting or I pissed him off or both so…” he swallows hard. “He…” The words refuse to come. Esposito squeezes his hand again and gives him an encouraging smile. “He… began raping me,” he finishes in a whisper, head dropping, cheeks burning with humiliation and shame.

They all knew it had happened; he'd already eluded to the fact Star had earlier. But somehow, a second time, after the whipping and by a monster like Shadow, it was shocking and they were left without words for a third time. 

They sit in silence, allowing Ryan time to prepare and rest for a little as well as their minds time to try and process.

“That was Sunday. It probably went on for hours, I remember being in some sort of haze, still on the table, sore all over but no Shadow and then he'd be back and it would fade. I don't think I was ever truly unconscious until early Monday morning. I woke up not in a cage naked, but hanging like I had last time. Shadow branded me the same as Star, opposite side though. Then they just left me there, rather than start with the whipping. It must've been hours, I couldn't really tell anymore, but I wasn't prepared when they came back, they shoved a knife in my leg and one in each of my arms. I was tired, so I just screamed, I wanted it to end. They pulled the knives out but not before twisting them and taking a large chunk of my leg with it. I figured I was getting my wish, that this was the end. They lowered me and dragged me by the ankles and, I'd guess my neck, I was only half conscious at this point. Next thing I know I'm at home in my bed. They had my wrists under me, cuffed with my own damn cuffs again, my ankles were zip tied, I guess. They shoved a pair of socks in my mouth, took off the boxers, left a mark on my neck, pulled the covers up and left. I figured they knew someone might come looking soon and so they left me there to die, leaving nothing to trace back to them. That's when you found me.”

They sit in silence again. Horrified, shocked and awed by everything Ryan had just told them, everything he had gone through, everything those monsters had done in such a short time. 

“You did great, Ryan, once we catch those sons of bitches we can put them away for life, however long or short that may be. I promise you, they'll never hurt anyone again, they won't get away with this.” Beckett says firmly, closing her notepad and the file.

 

Months later, however, their new Captain, Captain Gates forces them to close the case until new leads make themselves known and not a minute sooner. They were nowhere, with no real descriptions or faces, no evidence at Ryan's apartment and nothing from Lockwood, they had to admit temporary defeat. After Lockwood broke out and the details of Montgomery’s involvement in Beckett's mom's murder came to light along with his and Lockwood’s eventual deaths they realized Ryan's case had nothing to do with it, just another dead end. The family of four continues to work as they had before, all growing closer, all helping each other with their own demons. For the most part life was normal, Ryan had an occasional episode and had to take a day or two but he had Esposito to help him out. Shadow and Star and the atrocities they'd committed faded to the background, but were never forgotten.

 

End of part 3

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly a recap, I know but part 4 will be all new material, had to deal with Kevin's PTSD first.


End file.
